REGGIE’S BEEN IN MISERY…..AND WANTS BACK IN

A red Ford F-150 parked in my field the other day and got my attention by doing so. After a fashion a man gets out, walks to my house and introduces himself as Reggie, a recent arrival to the neighborhood I hadn’t met yet. Says he moved here from Missouri and now can’t wait to get out of NYS. Now I’m no fan of the taxes, cost of living and restrictions that goes with being a resident of the Empire State but now he’s got me thinking of my times passing through Missouri. Now I’ve ridden through his state plenty of times but never driven in it. That’s a BIG plus in my book. And you have to admit the view from the top of the Arch is magnificent, as you can see by the photo, and I’ve got two good stories about the state: THE SHORT ONE- I was riding across 70 trying to get west. The road goes on forever with billboard sprawl to the horizon blocking most anything worth seeing. The signs advertise virtually 2 things. Some woman who owns a shop that custom fits bras to hard-to-fit boobs and titty coffee shops, titty diners, titty clubs, titty everythings. Talk about one industry feeding of another. Anyway, in passing the 99th advertisement for some service provided by a hottie naked from the waist up my riding partner yells out to me “Doesn’t anyone in this state have a relationship?” I’d say yes and most probably suck. THE LONG ONE- On one ride back home, due to detours, I was having a tough time getting out of Kansas. Finally hit 36 somewhere around St. Joseph. Got gas and ate at a truckstop (bathroom story at a later date). Got on 36 and headed east on what passes as a main road. It was like riding on a plowed field made of cement. I’m 2 up on a loaded FLH skimming the heaves when I spy another rider getting on and following. It’s a kid on an old Yamaha gaining slowly until he pulls along side. I look over and he’s wearing nothing but a pair of sneakers, cut off jean shorts and a full coverage helmet, white, of course. This boy rides beside me for miles and keeps looking over at me. Finally the constant jarring of the road partially opens the top of a saddlebag (always lock ’em) and I pull over at an intersection to shut and lock it. The curious boy continues on. Make Hannibal at dusk and decide to call it a day. Get off the exit, ride through downtown, find a hotel, unpack, ride through downtown, find a sports bar, eat, ride through downtown back to the hotel, sleep, get up, re-pack, ride through downtown, pull on the ramp and get back on 36 east. I’m almost on the bridge into Illinois and I get lit up by one of Missouri’s finest. I pull over and shut down knowing I wasn’t speeding, I just got off the ramp and hadn’t popped it yet. “License and registration.” “What are you stopping me for?” “You’re not wearing a helmet” “I don’t need to, Missouri doesn’t have any helmet law!” “Yes, it does..” “No, it doesn’t…” “Look , I’M the Missouri State Trooper here and I know whether this state has a helmet law or not, NOT you.” Well at this point I’m thinking I may have made a mistake, the Trooper seems adamant. But after all, yesterday I had ridden entirely across the state, eaten, gassed up, ridden back and forth through downtown Hannibal several times, with no helmet, and nobody ever said anything. Now I know what that kid was looking at all that time, thanks for motioning to me buddy, and letting me in on it. Back to reality…………. “You going to give me a ticket?” “Yes.” “But I can piss and hit Illinois, I can just get on and ride out of your state in 100 feet and be gone…” “I’m writing you a ticket.” And he did, I sent in the $50 when I got home, I only hope they use the money to fix the roads. Appraising the situation, I guess this ‘hood is just too boring for Reggie, hope he sticks around though. more later……………